View from the roof (where Mike proposed)

This week’s listicle comes from Anja at cocolares.com: either “10 things James Bond or any other secret agent” or “10 fictional facts about you (but one must be true). I opted for the second because (1) I’ve never been much of a James Bond fan (in fact, we’ve never even seen “Octopussy,” which was filmed at the place we got engaged, the Lake Palace Hotel in Udaipur, India), and (2) it reminds me of “Two Truths and a Lie,” which we play at one of our favorite places–the Sylvia Beach Hotel.

Can you tell which one of these is not true?

1. Before I was old enough to go to school, I decided I wanted to take a drama class one summer at the local high school. I remember that I had to find my way around the enormous high school and it’s a wonder I didn’t get lost. I can’t imagine where my mother was at the time–probably keeping track of my younger siblings? They cast me as Alice in “Alice in Wonderland.”

2. Our first pet was a turtle named Marlo. She lived for a couple of years until my brother forgot to feed her.

3. My first grade teacher spanked me for pushing another girl…she was named Sabrina and she took my milk.

4. My third grade teacher had a bunny in his class called “Donny,” and one time he escaped and set the whole school into a massive panic.

5. I was bullied in junior high by two girls named Kayleen and Shannon, but I got even. I saw them both working at McDonald’s in Beaverton last week.

6. When I was in high school, my friends and I would go into Dunkin Donuts and order one maple bar and split it six ways. They were much easier to cut into six pieces than a round donut.

7. When I went off to college, my freshman roommate’s boyfriend was a drug dealer. I walked in one night to find them smoking pot in our room…after I smelled it down the hallway.

8.  One summer during college I worked for Intel as a product development manager; I was subbing for someone on maternity leave. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. One week I shipped $500,000 worth of product to Puerto Rico, when it was supposed to go to China.

9. I met my husband at a raucous Robert Burns night in Osaka, Japan.

10. When my soon-to-be husband was being held by a grumpy INS officer in Minneapolis because he didn’t have a fiancee visa, the grumpy man called me up to quiz me. What finally convinced him of our genuine love was a love letter he read from start to finish, including sexy bits…which he informed me of when he called to tell me he was going to let him come through to Oregon.

So I’m just not that good of a liar. I’m reading a book right now called Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, by Jenny Lawson (aka the Bloggess), and it’s a memoir of sorts. She had an absolutely batshit crazy childhood (her father was a taxidermist and it was normal for her to grow up around wild animals–alive, stuffed, and in between–in the house!), she suffers from anxiety disorder and depression…and she embellishes HEAVILY. Way more than even my husband does. Sometimes she confesses when she’s embellishing, but sometimes she doesn’t. She uses a fair amount of foul language, much of it directed at her husband. The embellishment just doesn’t come very naturally to me, so it’s a real stretch (my husband is the fiction writer, not me!), and of course I don’t swear at him either.

So if you want to know the answers to these questions, scroll down a ways and I’ll tell all. Here are some James Bond/Octopussy photos to distract you while you scroll:

Ta-da!

1. They wanted to cast me as the baby, and I was so insulted by this (as a very mature kindergartener!) that I quit the class!

2. Our first pet was a dog named Sunshine, and she got run over by a car. But I loved Marlo Thomas around that time because of “Free to Be You and Me.”

3. She spanked me for clearing off the chalkboard in a classic brown  nosing event…because a boy was staying after school to copy down what was on the board. Yes, spanking was allowed in 1969. My mom claimed I never told her about this, but I’m sure I must have. It was terribly traumatic and I’ve never forgotten it.

4. We had a bunny, but his name was “Sir.” I’m not aware of him ever getting loose.

5. I never got even, but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that I’m way more happy and successful than they are! They were horrible and nasty to me.

6. True.

7. She asked me if they could smoke pot in our room, and I said no. I’m not aware of him being a drug dealer, but who knows?

8.  The first part is true, and I certainly didn’t know what the hell I was doing! But I didn’t make a bad shipment, as far as I know.

9. The raucous Robert Burns night was in Wakayama, Japan.

10. There was no sexy love letter…what convinced the grumpy INS agent was a handmade calendar I’d made for Mike. When he called me to tell me he was sending Mike through (after 3 months of separation), he complimented me on the calendar and told me I should market them. JUST SEND MY FIANCEE ON THE PLANE!!! WHO CARES ABOUT THE FRIGGING CALENDAR?

How did you do? Did you guess correctly?

Thanks to Stasha at http://www.northwestmommy.com/ for organizing Monday Listicles. See how many other lies you can scout out by checking out the other participating bloggers.