On Sunday in Trader Joe’s I ran into my beloved perinatologist, Dr. Andy Merrill. It made my day!

Our first son was born at just 24 weeks gestation and endured 117 days of life-and-death crises in the NICU. So we waited a while to try for another child.

We didn’t know if Christopher would have major disabilities. After all, the neonatologist had predicted he had a 50% chance of major disabilities…if he passed the 50% chance of death mark.

By the time we began trying to get pregnant again a few years later, I had miscarriage after miscarriage. The first one happened when I was nearly 12 weeks along and had begun telling people I was pregnant.

I do not like to dwell in sadness and depression, and if I can find a way to bring myself out of it, I will try to do so. After each one of my miscarriages, I could not imagine how I would ever be able to try again. But somehow, I did, again and again. Sometimes I needed to grieve for several months (or even well over a year) before I could even think of trying again. But now that I have three beautiful boys and have been blessed more than I could have imagined by a houseful of love and laughter, I do not often think of the ones I lost.

After the second miscarriage we went to a fertility clinic. The endocrinologist had an enormous ego. I was not a fan. He suggested IVF or egg donation, but I wasn’t comfortable going to those lengths when we already had one child. So he put me on hormones and I got pregnant again, only to have another miscarriage. Then finally it worked!

I was high risk for several reasons. My first child had been born extremely prematurely with no apparent reason. The birth was emergency radical c-section, so all my future births would need to be c-sections so I wouldn’t go into labor (which could rupture my uterus). I still had PTSD from the experience of birth and the long NICU stay. And I was 38, considered an older mom.

I had heard of perinatologist Andy Merrill from preemie mom friends. All of his patients raved about him. Even though I had mostly chosen female physicians, I thought I’d won the lottery when I was able to make an appointment with him!

I couldn’t have chosen a more compassionate, caring, and understanding doctor. He often ran behind in his appointments because he never rushed his patients. He gave us as much time as we needed to feel reassured. I never minded waiting because I knew he was giving other patients the same excellent care he gave me. The entire practice was excellent, staffed with registered nurses who never condescended to any concerns I had.

To mitigate the premature birth risk, I had regular cervical ultrasounds. I chose not to have an amnio at the usual time even though I was 38. Some friends suspect an amnio caused their son to be born at 23 weeks (and subsequently died). Dr. Merrill understood my concern and supported me.

When we arrived at the hospital for the c-section, the nurses told me they were too full and I would have to give birth in a surgery room rather than a birthing room. After Kieran was born, he would be whipped away with Mike. I’d be taken to a large surgery recovery room to recover with other surgery patients. No nursing after birth (which was extremely important to me), no family at my side…exactly the opposite of what I had been waiting for the previous six years. I burst into tears and asked Mike to go advocate on my behalf. I felt that if any new mom deserved to be handled with care, it was me!

By the time the anesthesiologist took me in for the spinal, I was hysterically sobbing…even though they had resolved the issue (tears help!) and had told me that they had miraculously freed up a room. It was not a relaxing beginning to my “ideal childbirth” experience!! I still feel angry about the poor way this was handled. I’m not sure if it was Mike’s advocacy or Dr. Merrill’s that solved the problem, but I was grateful regardless.

Kieran was born weighing 7 pounds, 13 ounces at 37 weeks, screaming and healthy. He seemed enormous to me!

Tragically, soon after Kieran was born, Dr. Merrill’s own grown son died while working in the Peace Corps in Mali. Now this wonderful man, who had always been so sensitive to parents who had experienced great loss, had his own tragedy and loss. It was heartbreaking.

A few years later (after all that infertility!), I was shocked to find myself pregnant at 41! I was excited to return to Dr. Merrill, my favorite doctor! (I swear I didn’t get pregnant again just to see him! Ha!)

When I was pregnant with Chris, I had multiple ultrasounds because I bled a lot. Then I had countless ultrasounds with unfeeling techs or my reproductive endocrinologist who had absolutely no compassion to how I might feel upon learning my baby was dead. Even after having a healthy baby, I still didn’t like ultrasounds.

This time an ultrasound found a soft marker for trisomy 18, a chromosomal condition. I will never forget meeting with the doom-and-gloom, brusque, and dispassionate perinatologist (not Dr. Merrill!). He urged me to have an amnio to learn more information.

We returned home, with me in tears and right to the internet to research and debate whether to indeed have an amnio. We didn’t want to be faced with a difficult decision if the amnio brought bad news. By the time we returned for an appointment with Dr. Merrill, we had decided not to have the amnio. I preferred to let things play out and rely on hope (once I got past the terror). He completely understood and seemed to agree with our decision. (Sometimes I think we have way too much medical information!)

Nicholas was born healthy although little. We called him our little peanut when he was young. Now it looks like he’ll be the tallest in the family.

In spite of being a high-risk mom, I loved being pregnant…and Dr. Merrill contributed heavily to that.

Seeing Dr. Merrill again after so many years was such a gift! He is still just as warm and friendly as ever! He was shopping with his 15-year-old daughter, who was making caramel brownies.

I will always be grateful to this compassionate doctor for showing me so much tender loving care and kindness, in addition to outstanding medical care…making what could have been stressful pregnancies into positive experiences. Every pregnant woman deserves the same.